Why Don’t Children Ask for Their Parents' Advice?
How often, when you were growing up, did you ask your parents for advice? How many times in your 20’s, 30’s, 40,s or beyond did you go to one of your parents and ask for advice?
As I thought about that question, I recalled several of my cousins coming to our house when I was growing up, sitting with my dad, and asking for advice. I never stuck around long enough to see what they were asking about.
My mom, like most moms, was very good at giving advice whether you asked for it or not. I have come to realize my daughters don’t always call me for advice. Many times, it’s just to vent, and I don’t start looking for answers or giving advice unless they specifically ask. I always pray for them. As much as we want to protect and save them from heartache, we understand that sometimes experience is the best teacher.
I avoided a lot of heartache by not going down the same road as I watched others make bad choices. I did not want the sad, sorry experiences they had.
I’ll never forget asking my dad for advice when I was going to purchase my first home. I was not married yet. As I looked at homes, there was one I really liked. It was the most expensive one on my list, of course.
It was on the market longer than the others I was looking at. I called my dad and had him look at it with me. He could see my excitement. I showed him the other one I was contemplating, and it was several thousand dollars less. His advice was “get the one that is less expensive, because if you plan on moving, it will probably sell quicker because of the price point, and you won’t be waiting for the house to sell.”
Hmmm, how did my dad know that, about 2 years after we were in the house, I would be moving?
That’s exactly what happened. I did get married, and we decided to move to another state. We actually put our house up for sale by owner and got a buyer within a week. Off to Oregon, from Arizona, we went. That was some good advice I got from my dad. As it so happened, I belonged to a bunco group, and a cousin bought the house and hosted bunco there. As I sat there playing bunco, I thought this could’ve been my house. 😉 I had no regrets. No should’ve, could’ve, wish I would’ve.
Let's look at several reasons why a young adult, or adult children, won’t ask for advice from a parent:
1. They don’t think their parents understand their situation (and sometimes they don’t)
2. They don’t think their parents have the experience to give good advice in the area they need advice in. (Maybe they don’t)
3. They think they know everything. (of course they don’t, but you can’t tell them that)
4. They don’t want a parent to disapprove of a decision they are going to make.
5. Growing up, their parents weren’t a part of their lives. (someone else raised them, or they were abandoned by the parents)
6. They received “bad advice in the past (it could’ve been bad advice or the situation didn’t turn out the way they wanted, so therefore they considered it “bad advice”)
7. They don’t feel like their parents really care about how they live their lives (most parents do care)
8. They see their parents saying one thing, but acting differently, showing no consistency in words and actions.
9. They don’t believe their parents are able to give any good advice.
10. They are in a rebellious state and don’t care what their parents think
11.They don’t trust their parents.
I’m wondering if saying “they don’t trust their parents” might have summed up all the other reasons?
Asking someone for advice shows you trust them. Whether or not you take the advice, you trusted them enough to ask their thoughts.
All this led me to think about my Father God and all the advice I am given in His Word. If I open my Bible, there is so much wisdom to gain about how to live a righteous, peaceful life. Why would I turn away from the advice of the God of all gods, the one who knew me in my mother's womb? The one who fashioned me, who gave me abilities and talents, and equips me for every good work?
I may think God doesn’t understand what I’m going through, and he hasn’t experienced what I’m dealing with. Jesus was human and did experience what we experience and so much more. He experienced compassion, joy, sorrow, anger, pain, anguish, and hunger. Everything we feel he has felt. (This covers reasons one and two)
I’m told he experienced every temptation and knows what’s it like to be tempted. I can go to God my Father and vent all day long and still not want His ways. I’ve learned that is foolishness.
There have been times when I thought I knew everything, and if I sought God, my Father, He wouldn’t approve, so I didn’t seek His ways because my way would be good enough to get what I wanted. If I look at the advice from God's word, it may very well go against “my all-knowing ways”. My all-knowing ways proved to me how much I didn’t know I didn’t know. (Reasons three, four and ten covered)
God has been around since the beginning of time, so I know he doesn’t abandon His people. Father God won’t abandon His Children (Reason five covered)
Father God’s advice has never been bad, but as I waited to see an outcome that I didn’t like, He was there working all things out for my good and most of all for my growth. He cares deeply about how I live my life. (Reason six and seven covered)
Father God is consistent in all His ways. He doesn’t say one thing and act in contradiction to it. He’s the steady Rock upon which I can build my life. (Reason eight is covered)
Above all, I can trust Him. I can only heed his advice if I 100% trust Him. His love for us knows no bounds. He will correct us in love and show us the way we should go. He will guide His children and continue to lead us as we continually go to Him asking for advice. (Reason nine and ten covered)
Earthly parents are human. They make mistakes and yes, at times, lose their way. Most parents' love for their children runs so deep that they will do anything for them. They want the best for their children.
If you are a parent who knows Jesus personally, and you go to the Father to lead you, to give you advice that you are able to give your children, you are wise. Your advice comes from a heart full of the Father's love. Teach your children where to get advice from: God’s Word and God’s people. This will not lead them astray.
Some children will reject godly advice for a time, but be assured, God’s word and actions will not return void.
Remember how blessed you are when your adult children ask for your advice and even more blessed when you can pass to them the advice you receive from your Heavenly Father.
I understand, I can’t obtain a righteous, peaceful life apart from Jesus Christ.
He is my righteousness and peace.
Prayer:
Lord, may all those who read this come to you for advice, knowing you never fail and the love you have for them never fails. Keep us seeking your will and your ways in our life until we see you face to face. Thank you for the peace you give to us daily. May our hearts always find rest in you, along life's road. In Jesus Name, amen.
Scriptures from NIV:
If you obey my command, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed the Father’s commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. (John 15:10-11)
As He approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept….(Luke 19:41)
Jesus wept (John 11:35)
Jesus, tired as He was from the journey, sat down by the well (John 4:6)
You snake, you brood of vipers, how will you escape being condemned to hell? (Matthew 23:33)
When He saw the crowds, He had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless like sheep without a shepherd. (Matthew 9:36)
And being in anguish, He prayed more earnestly, and His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. (Luke 22:44)
For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight. As it is written, He catches the wise in their craftiness. (1 Corinthians 3:19)
For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. (1 Corinthians 1:25)
The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord; He directs it like a water course wherever he pleases. All a man's ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart. To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice. Haughty eyes and a proud heart, the lamp of the wicked are sin! The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty. (Proverbs 2:1-5)
Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or terrified because of them. Your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms. There is no one like the God of Jeshurun (the nation of Israel) who rides on the heavens to help you. (Deuteronomy 31:6, 33:27)
Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. (Psalm 90:2)
I am the Alpha and the Omega, says the Lord God, who is and who was and who is to come the Almighty. (Revelation 1:8)
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God. (John 1:1)
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God the creator of the ends of the earth. (Isaiah 40:28)
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have because God has said , “ Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. “ So I can say with confidence, the Lord is my helper. (Hebrews 13:5-6a)
The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. (Deuteronomy 31:8)
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:11-13)
I will proclaim the name of the Lord. Oh praise the greatness of our God! He is the Rock, His works are perfect and all His ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is He. (Deuteronomy 32:3-4)
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:14)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man that He should change his mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill? (Numbers 23:19)
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)
Don’t be deceived my dear brothers, every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17)
I the Lord do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob are not destroyed. (Malachi 3:6)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
My son do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke because the Lord disciplines those He loves as a father the son he delights in. (Proverbs 3:11-12)
And you have forgotten the word of the encouragement that addresses you as sons; My son do not make light of the Lord’s discipline and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those He loves and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son. (Hebrews 12:5-6)
And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, The Lord, is the Rock eternal. (Isaiah 26:3-4)
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:21)
This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:22-23)
Dad and I, He's got good advice, coming from His heavenly Father! I received it.
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